Ten days in, with only four dates under my belt and a blog that still needed some content and design tweaking… I. was. burnt. out.

It was 4pm, time for my Saturday women’s circle Zoom call. I recall giving a very rambly status update, at the end of which I muttered, “well, I have no idea what I just said in the past 5 minutes! But I believe that summarizes how I’m currently doing!” The advice from Sierra Melcher, our women’s circle leader and an alignment consultant, was golden: “This week, slow down.” She also encouraged us to go on a date with ourselves. I mean, sure, I’ve heard the concept before. But as I heard this advice, I recognized that I didn’t have top-of-mind what a self-date would look like. Sometimes we can be so task-list-focused, execution-driven, that we forget how to stop and reconnect with our bodies and our souls.

So, I employed another trick I had learned from Sierra the previous week. Rather than push hard to force an answer, I planted a thought seed into my brain: “What DO I LIKE?” I let this for the rest of the afternoon while I finalized a few more blogging tasks. And then I let myself drift into the cyber world of activity interest groups. I came across a group I had been savvy enough to sign up for a week prior– Jazz Musicians in Berlin. And I saw an event that night, at a place my Airbnb landlord had said was one of the top two jazz clubs in Berlin. Checked the site … there was one solo ticket left for the show starting in one hour.

Click. Purchased.

I was already in a new sexy summery dress–and dared to keep this on for the jazz place. Plastered on makeup. Called an Uber. Jumped in the Uber and on my high school friends’ weekly Saturday Zoom call (once again, thank you covid externalities!). As my Uber pulled up to its destination, I noticed five nice-looking men dressed in similar suits seated in the area just outside the club. Nervous and self-conscious showing this much cleavage, I stepped out with faked confidence. (Later found out that was the band.) Found the name of the jazz club, smiled at the doorman, stated in perfect English that I had a reservation for one. I was led inside to a seat with a perfect view of the piano (I’m a pianist and a trumpet player), and I ordered a Cosmo like the good old times ;).

The crowd was perfect, full at its reduced capacity and socially-distanced. Staff wore masks while we patrons did not. I signed my name and phone number on a guest sheet for contact-tracing purposes. The new normal. The show started, and I instantly felt in the presence of the best 5-piece jazz combo band I had ever heard. The trumpet and sax were incredible. The pianist leader had a great attitude and ridiculous finger technique. I fell a bit for the drummer 😉 but alas, was too shy to interrupt him talking to his friends after the show to actually ask him out.

But it was towards the beginning of the show that something marvelous happened. I had stopped pushing myself. Stopped forcing, and just listened to my instincts. And things had started to flow again. I was no longer burned out. I no longer felt the urge to give up on 30d30d. I no longer dreaded responding to all the piles of messages on 5 different dating apps. I gleefully engaged with some of the messages. I remembered what it was to feel happy, relaxed. I didn’t need to retreat from people anymore; I felt social and extroverted. The objective of the date was a success :).