I used to have a thing for guys with long hair. (Among my college friends, I was notorious!) I even developed a crush for Weird Al once his hair suddenly fell below his shoulders.

So in 2019, I briefly met Zak at a London pub quiz night hosted by a friend of a friend. Amidst my efforts to build new friends, Zak had struck me me as sharp, fun, with a spark of common interests (rock climbing). Plus that long hair. We Facebook friended. I was intrigued by him but didn’t immediately follow up, and soon Covid knocked me out of London. But during this 2-month London trip, I wanted to focus on meeting interesting smart people and try to find the geekier side of London. So, now some 3 years later, I messaged him:

“Hey there! Don’t know how well you remember, we met at a dinner a couple yrs ago. I’m giving London a second, go, & trying to see if I can find ‘my people’. I always thought you were someone I’d like to meet again. Any interest in a coffee or climb?”

He responded warmly! He welcomed me back to London, and we arranged to meet at Plaquemine Lock – a really cool Cajun food place named after a place in Louisiana that I discovered wandering home one day, struck by the sign “Live Jazz most evenings!” unmissably posted out front. Perfect! I didn’t specify if this was a date, but in my mind I was open to any outcome.

Funnily, as I approached the restaurant for our ‘possibly a date’, I realized I had no clue whether to expect an American or British accent to escape his lips. Couldn’t remember this tiny detail from years ago!

Now, to be fair. I had suspected from his recent Facebook posts that he may not be single. Indeed it turned out be true. Still, this was as datey a setup as there could be among friends. I didn’t care. I went with it, and was just get excited to know this person who had once intrigued me.

I arrived 2 minutes after he’d grabbed our reserved table. There he was in the corner, handsome, hair pulled back, tall. He greeted me with a British accent (ah, so it’s British!), and gave me a kiss on the cheek and a very welcoming hug. Within 5 minutes, I noticed something that hadn’t stuck out when we first met. He spoke extremely slowly and deliberately, to the point of, at first, challenging me to slow down to listen (I tend to prefer fast talkers). I realized he was definitely somewhere along the same spectrum that I am. He also seemed a bit self conscious at first, and not great with the eye contact. So pretty soon, I bravely introduced some vulnerabilities on my own side – that I have extreme social anxiety, that I am somewhere on the spectrum, and that I have adapted that to some extent by getting good at asking people questions & getting them to talk about themselves. I visibly saw him relax. He right away replied with a grin that he may be somewhere on that same spectrum I speak of; his eye contact and body language improved from then on.

We had a jolly good time through 4 rounds of drinks and two entire live swing band sets for 4 whole hours. We just chatted and shared facts and stories from all aspects of our lives. Once he started using the word ‘girlfriend,’ I felt comfortable to share some of my own former dating exploits. Including when I was app-messaging a guy who was a bit intense and intimidatingly all-in on the messages: this man shared that he had borderline personality disorder, was overly intense, and even invited me first to his house, then to Sri Lanka, before we even went on a first date. He had laid some clues that made me suspect that he may have been Zak’s coworker… so I asked, and indeed he was! Zak reassured me that this Sri Lankan was brilliant, a bit quirky, definitely NOT borderline personality though he enjoyed saying it; and now he was even engaged. And certainly not an axe murderer. I think I’ll go back to our old messaging and prod him that I’ve met his coworker Zak!

The night with Zak ended where I had hoped – I had a good time, and I’d made a new friend. The ball may be in my court to invite him to things in the future, since he’s not a connector by personality, but it’s promising. I thought about telling him that if he didn’t have a girlfriend I would love to go on a real date, but realizing that’s a bit much I didn’t say it, though certainly thought it.

All this happened the very next day after I’d met Alex. Honestly, my mind had been on Alex all day. But in some ways, conversation with Zak had been more satisfying. I think Zak and I are cut from the same cloth. Though frankly, Alex and I are also cut from the same musical cloth. Both showed promise — Alex if he were single, Zak if he is interested. I think both will at least continue into friendships, and I remain optimistic London could be a great place to find more such people!