Dan is a clever Indian guy I met on Tinder years ago. We matched during the two weeks I had been in Kerala for a wedding. He had offered some intriguing perspectives in our initial chats, and we had a lot to chat about because we both went through MBA programs and were independent entrepreneurs. He even offered to meet me in Argentina once.

We never connected in person but remained Facebook friends, and in the back of my mind I thought it could be neat to eventually meet. And he kept asking me out.

So in October 2021, I finally made it to London for the first time since Covid, and I agreed to meet him. The only time that worked was after a long day for me. I was a bit tired, but still excited to see what he was like in person.

Looking back to our texts, I now wonder why I missed some clues that we would be completely incompatible!

I’m not sure how to summarize it. He was pushy, or, his idea of fun was completely different from mine. We started the evening by changing venue plans at least three times. I would have been just as happy meeting for a simple beer at the bar where he had picked me up. (Lesson learned: keep Date #1 simple and easy.)

By the time we reached our eventually-chosen place, we learned they were full (he didn’t call ahead), and anyway it was too dark and dirty for my tastes. We were in a neighborhood completely foreign to me, and I was starving and cranky. We walked to a market known for its large variety of eclectic foods. I said I’d be happy if he just picked anything. He picked … Colombian. Colombian. Fried foods and rice. Two things I avoid. I said nothing, smiled politely, and sat and ate, irked.

Conversation flipped between two main topics: him telling me how stunning and beautiful and sexy I was, and him making bold and punchy statements about how business works — things I felt were opinions, or factually incorrect, or plain horrible ways to look at value creation. I raised my points, and he responded illogically, or evasively, or with other equally bold but incorrect statements. It was an odd discussion. Or some peacock feathering.

Exhausted from the long day, and having been force fed food I wasn’t too pleased about, I looked at the clock and realized we had already spent 2 hours together. Already overtime for a first date. Already more time than I suggested to him. So I suggested I was ready to leave. But he was pushing for a second venue. He wanted to go back to the first area. He wanted to take me dancing.

Not a word from me seemed to register. So I finally told him “Ok, we’re done, I am going home.”

He looked shocked. How was this a surprise to him?? Still he tried with his persuasion. I called my Uber. Shock still on his face.

When I finally stepped into the Uber, he simply said, “I didn’t do anything wrong!” Why would he frame it that way — did he believe it’s a first date failure not to go clubbing? Why was he insistent about spending more time together?

As I reflect, all night long he failed to meet my simple preferences: good conversation, simple logistics, food and drink now, be responsive to the fact that I’m tired today. He failed to elicit them. Perhaps he didn’t really do anything “wrong,” but there’s a man who’s not getting a second date. I’d never met two people less compatible!

(For the record, I believe my actual worst Tinder date ever was a self aggrandizing Italian researcher I met at an economics conference.)