I’m not ready to leave Italy!!

Why not just extend? But I should return to “real life” right? No more Life’s Waiting Room.

I really appreciate the start or finish of things. In 2018, when I thought I was moving from London, that last night walking alone across the Millenium Bridge I was in tears. Not ready to go. Ever since, whenever I cry at the end of something, I instantly pivot to realizing there must be loads to be grateful for; or else I wouldn’t be crying.

Bolzano had become my favorite Italian city of all. Everything I loved in one place – including my now-favorite Italian shopping brands, hiking paths in mountains, beautiful parks and rivers, cafes and restaurants galore. Oh and the Italians. This third and last night, I meandered along my now-favorite spot at the river adjacent to the old town. Trying not to cry too much as I said goodbye. Reflecting over the past month of working-while-exploring. I wandered further down the river and identified new crannies to revisit next time I return, I imagined. Loved being alone with my thoughts.

Slowly everything turned to dusk, then to black night. Still sad and heavy with the life ahead of me (covid, finding the right career passion, finding love), I started back upstream.

Suddenly, I spot two figures in the distance along my path. Getting closer. It’s funny, in my brain I cannot recall if they had a dog or were playing soccer! Thoughts of Dora’s cute pup.

I perk up and laugh. Leonard spots my laugh. He stops me as I’m about to pass while his friend continues. Asks why I look so grim.

Perhaps the contrast between my earlier pensive mood and my exuberance at watching the dog (soccer ball) has piqued him. He says I am so beautiful, and he must buy me a beer and learn everything about me. I should follow him to a nearby bar. I hesitate but am intrigued. I say no politely. He insists that if I return to Bolzano some day in the future and we cross paths, I will be more tempted to say hi and engage only if we’ve had this first meaningful chit chat. He does not relent: how could I possibly be single, a woman out alone without attachment?!

This goes on. And on. For thirty minutes. And loving it. A charming Italian-speaker persistently asking me out. I am flattered but keep politely rejecting. I’m tired, it’s dark and unlit, we’re totally isolated and alone, it’s pitch black outside and he is a complete stranger. Plus I didn’t really feel a spark.

Despite its non-outcome, this moment was an absolute highlight of my Italian trip.

One, it was part of my big pensive goodbye emotional roller coaster to Italy. (Ciao for now baby!) Two, I was indeed flattered.

Three, the entirety of this exchange was in Italian!!! I was so proud ;). In fact, I my Italian was now good enough to identify that he was not a native speaker either. Once I realized this I burst it out loud! Indeed he was French, moved to Bolzano at 8, learned German first, then Italian. His grammatical errors errors were slight, but I caught them ;). Hah!

And that right there may be why I am still single, lol. Always looking for flaws in men, and in myself.

More and more, I believe you find what you set out to look for. (Lots of performance coaches write about this.) Better to start defining quite the positive things I want, and look for them (a la The Secret) – I’m sure they will be found!

Goodbye Italia 🙁 !