I really thought “smart, nice, curious, adventurous” were my most important criteria. How does one explain the criteria for connection? For being drawn to someone’s personality? And wanting to see them again even if they don’t perfectly check the boxes?

My reaction to this date still mystifies me. I really like Paul as a person. He is brilliant, with an obvious hunger for knowledge. Maybe the smartest of my 30d30d dates so far. Full of facts about obscure things. Coincidentally knowledgeable about my latest field of study (economics) and the region of my ancestors (Baltics). A mutual friend set us up. Unlike most of my dates, he was cognizant of the 30 dates challenge. I instantly said yes.

For over two hours, we cycled around parts of Berlin I had never seen. He recited fact after fact about the areas and edifices we were passing. There was no deficit of conversation topics, or of thoughtful points for either of us to pontificate on. By 10:30pm starving; I had not expected the ride to last over 2 hours, and even this was apparently “bailing” super early! I invited him to bail with me and have some late-night ice cream (at “our” / Dora’s and my favorite place). Ice creams and bikes in hand, we sat down at the bridge by our apartment where folks hang till ~11pm or police kick them out every night. Now the chat became a bit more personal, including a lengthy discussion about the Baltic region and my family’s history.

Was it the full moon? Was it the fact that he knew this was one date of many I would be on, slightly cheapening the feel of this one? Was I reacting to an obvious age difference? Or feeling pressured because he’s a close friend of a close friend? I can’t put my finger on it. I would have loved engaging with him in intellectual conversation forever. But – and I am not one to typically utter this sentence, but – I just didn’t feel an emotional connection between us.

Don’t get me wrong, I really enjoyed the conversation. It was a nice exchange of information and experiences. Maybe not quite a process of establishing and deepening a bond with a person. But very very pleasant. I can tell he’d be a great friend.