Many of us know what it means to take on a new work project and make it a success. But dating has never been as straightforward for me. 

Dora and I are now six days into the challenge. That’s six days into our new city, six days into our brand new lives. Six days into a state of overwork and overwhelm! 

Six days in, I’ve already realized something. It hit me that I had never, EVER prioritized my social and dating life this way. Now that we’re doing it, the reality of this different persona/identity couldn’t be more apparent. I think it’s good to develop what this instinct feels like.

Imagine the obsessive prioritization and planning one usually pours into a work assignment. I can think of countless examples in my career. It becomes instinctive: we de-prioritize other things when a spike-effort workweek arrives, and we do what it takes. We ditch the gym, order out/ fail at perfect eating, get imperfect sleep, take rainchecks with friends, drop our hobbies, even let Netflix go by the wayside. 

And think of all the steps we already know for setting ourselves up for success. Best-practice project management techniques, planning, budgeting, goal-setting, todo-listing and prioritization, seeking mentorship/counsel, structuring a team, setting up collaborations. 

What if we apply the success-at-work mindset, and make it an all-in orientation to dating? It may be a bit extreme for some, but I really needed a stretch goal to keep motivating me, so that I could overcome what’s been holding me back. (And that would be myself!) I now find myself following similar steps, only this time it’s for a personally important purpose not a paycheck. I’d guess I currently invest 6-8 hours a day in this dating project, all told! (Luckily it’s been a light work-week with my main client.) Every day.

Astonished by this, I wondered where all the time goes. 
So I made a list. There’s:

  • Goal Setting: Defining our personal objectives, setting our mentality for success
  • Planning: Planning the challenge, coming up with rules/challenges/guidelines, aligning the rules to our objectives 
  • Team Establishment: Enlisting help and encouragement from friends, soliciting best-practice tips, making our plan robust
  • Tool Sourcing: Dating app setup, date-metrics tracking (for the hard core), website building, account setup
  • Logistics: Sourcing dates using apps, friends, proactiveness, and serendipity-increasing strategies; planning social and work life around the goal 
  • Operations and Execution: Going out, doing activities, going for walks, striking up conversations, meeting new people at every opportunity; the actual dates!; and keeping conversations going 
  • Measurement and Tracking: Collecting date metrics (for the hard core), analyzing and reflecting on the results
  • Communications: Writing these blog entries!

Just like a start-up project at work, I currently feel like I’m constantly behind. I have only ~3 questionable dates under my belt after 6 days. But I’m confident it will get easier soon, fingers crossed.

Not everyone needs the ‘30 in 30’ dating frequency. At any engagement level though, the big lesson is— what is the feeling of SUCCESS in the goal of making dating (or, finding a long-term relationship) a TOP priority? To me, it feels like an openness for connection that is always turned on, hungry, proactive, and made to be the center of your day-to-day decisions. I’m getting there, I hope!