Evan…remember when I couldn’t find any flaws? Well, well, well. It is Mid September and my relationship with Evan is slowly but surely fizzling out.

But let’s go back to early August, when Valentina and I threw our goodbye dinner party and everything was great. We had one of the best evenings in Berlin. Around 12 friends came over, including my sister and her husband. We cooked, we drank, we laughed. Evan was invited as well, of course. It was nice having him meet my friends. And my family! He and my sister hit it off right away, it was all so good and easy. When Valentina and I left for Italy, Evan and I were on a high. Everything was heading in the right direction. I loved spending time with him, I loved our conversation, he got along with people that matter to me. What else could you wish for?

During our month in Italy, we touch-based regularly. Again, it was all easy. No games. Sometimes he’d reach out, sometimes I would. We were mainly on WhatsApp, with a few Facetime calls in between. It was the exact right amount of giving space and checking-in. Again, all great!

When I came back to Berlin, he was the first person I saw. I had been back for merely two hours, when he came over and we spent a great evening together. It felt good, I had this feeling that this could turn into a relationship. It’s strange to write about it, all of this has been only 3 weeks away. And yet it feels like a different world.

I’ve met him a couple of times over these 3 weeks. We went on dates and overall had a good time. Yoga, walks, Mauerpark, dinners. A good mix. I even went to his place for dinner once and met his flatmate. Oh, and he canceled his OkCupid account. He never told me about it and I don’t know why he did it. But it’s gone.

So what’s the issue? 2 things: I found a (big) flaw. And both of us simply seem to care less to spend time with each other. Evan’s very aware of the flaw and it might turn into less of a big deal in a few weeks from now. But I’m not sure I want to wait. He gave me the heads-up, which I appreciated a lot! He is extremely busy at the moment with work. Something I can appreciate. But I’m not sure I appreciate the way he’s dealing with it. We make plans for him to cancel them last minute. We wanted to go to the Baltic Sea for example. In the end, I spend the weekend we wanted to head there on my own. It’s really tough, because even though him and I are aware of the issue, it does annoy me. I know that I might be the problem. I’m inpatient and I expect a lot. But even I can’t help, it does upset me. And maybe it simply ties together with issue number 2. Maybe neither of us prioritise the other the way we use to. Because while we enjoy spending time together, it might not be enough for a relationship after all. I already feel that we are running out of topics to talk about and I don’t feel challenged. It’s such a big learning about my personality. In a way, I’m the one going from 0 to 100 very quickly. And then from 100 to 0 equally fast.

I hadn’t written off Evan completely. Until he cancelled on me yet again all weekend. He’s sick. Of course I do believe him and I hope he’ll get better soon. But he also knows that I’ll be traveling all week and this was the last days we had to see each other. He was fit enough to go for dinner on Friday. I would have been nice to be prioritised a bit more.

To be continued, I think. I’ll be interesting to see whether it’ll really just fizzle out or whether we’ll have a conversation about it. I don’t know yet. I’ll keep you posted!