Being single can have three reasons:
1) I haven’t met my match yet
2) I’m undatable
3) my expectations to a potential partner are too high.
Addressing 1) is the whole reason behind his blog. Addressing 2) might be a reason, but I’m not ready to believe it just yet. It might best to explore it by inviting my exes to write guest blogs. Another thing I’m not ready to do just yet. Hence, let me focus on 3) for now.
Without having any scientific background to back up these claims, I feel that there were different waves of evolving meaning and increasing complexity of relationships:
The first one, which started with the existence of humanity and in some sense is still prevailing in many societies is the relationship that is based on the most basic needs of Maslow’s pyramid: the man provides security/shelter and food, the woman takes care of the household and children. It almost feels like a business transaction. Love as added bonus, but not needed to make it work for both sides.
With the industrial revolution and increase in wealth we added some expectations. Basic needs were fulfilled, hence psychological needs such as friendship, love and belonging slowly increased in importance.
Then, in the second half of the 20th century, the decades of sexual liberation, we added the need of intimate fulfillment.
Enters our generation. The girls and boys that were raised with the encouragement that we can be whatever we want to be, that the sky is the limit, that we are very special and A-M-A-Z-I-N-G and hence that we should expect nothing less from our partners. Add globalization, social media, impatience and a never-ending stream of new opportunities to the mix (just think about it….we are fortunate enough to be able to live almost anywhere we want in this world!) and we end up with a generation that might have increased their expectations to a level that it’s simply not realistic any more. Everyone will place a different weight to the criteria below, but overall, the list is just really, really long:
Our partners might need to provide for us/our family
Our partners as great parent to our (future) children
Our partners need to fulfill our intimate relationship
Our partners as best friends
Our partners need to support our development/make us grow/bring out the best in us
That’s a lot to ask from anyone! Maybe part of these requirements can be fulfilled by others. Our best friends for example. Or even broader society. Or we deal with it on our own, without relying on our partner. Or maybe not and we shouldn’t settle for less. I don’t have an answer. But it’s a question I’d love to explore further!
